Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wear drunk well.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
