I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
