There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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