My balls are so social today.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
