My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
