Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
