I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
