I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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