thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
