Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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