does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
