she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
