so that wasnt chicken after all
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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