whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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