Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
