like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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