I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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