i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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