if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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