Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
