Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
