just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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