Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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