Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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