So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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