I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
