Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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