I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
