I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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