you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
