He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
