Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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