Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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