How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
