im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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