So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
