this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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