Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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