I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
