sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
