Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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