clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
