You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
