Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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