he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
