and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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