he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize