ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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