I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
