She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
