i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
