May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
