I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
