We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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