You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
