And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
