Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you win again, gameday.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
