god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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