I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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