I was born with a shot glass in my hand
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
