i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
