im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
